What is Trauma?

In recent years, I've noticed something interesting: the word "trauma" has become part of our everyday lexicon, sometimes used as casually as discussing the weather.

It hit me when I heard my teenage kids throwing it around like it's the latest slang.

At first, I was hopeful - maybe they were starting to understand what trauma really means.

But when I asked my son about it? He just laughed.

That's when I realized - "trauma" had gone viral, much like "gaslighting" did a while back.

The Trivialization of Trauma

This casual use of such weighty terms can be concerning.

Words like "trauma" and "gaslighting" carry significant meaning and shouldn't be taken lightly.

I remember when my daughter used to accuse me of gaslighting her all the time. Yeah, that was fun.

But here's the thing - while it's a bit unsettling to hear these terms used so casually, it also indicates a growing awareness of mental health concepts.

It's a double-edged sword, really.

Expanding Our Understanding of Trauma

While the casual use of "trauma" can be problematic, there's also a growing recognition that trauma isn't limited to major, life-altering events.

My sister had this lightbulb moment recently.

She realized trauma isn't just about the big, obvious stuff like abuse or accidents.

It's also those little things we used to think were normal: getting yelled at, being forced into awkward social situations when we weren't ready.

You know, the stuff we all went through and just shrugged off.

I was surprised that she didn’t know that trauma encompassed it all as I had already been on a ten year journey of healing, what seemed small and insignificant, but impactful events in my own life.

This broadened understanding raises questions:

Should we differentiate between severe abuse and more common, yet impactful, negative experiences?

Both can leave lasting impressions, but some traumas are undoubtedly more complex and challenging to process.

Redefining Trauma: Insights from Experts

To better understand trauma, I've been digging deeper, and I came across some really eye-opening perspectives from experts in the field:

1. Gabor Maté's View:

Maté suggests that "trauma is not an event in the past but the repressed emotional response to that event that is lodged in our body." This definition is empowering because while we can't change history, we can address our emotional responses to past events.

2. Jonine Gabay's Perspective:

Gabay puts it like this: "Trauma is not the past event that is troubling us or causing us discomfort. It's the repressed, unintegrated, unresolved, unexpressed response to those past events. Something happens and we suck in our breath. We are not witnessed and we're not safe."

The Key to Healing: Expressing and Integrating Emotions

Both experts highlight a crucial point: trauma isn't just about what happened to us, but about our unexpressed and unintegrated emotional responses to those events.

And here's a kicker - I realized this applies to good emotions too.

Think about it: if something awesome happened but you weren't allowed to be excited about it, that joy gets bottled up too.

It's all about what we couldn't express at the time.

The Healing Process

Understanding trauma in this way opens up new avenues for healing. Here's what I'm thinking:

1. Feel it to heal it:

Instead of just remembering past events, we need to feel the emotions tied to them.

2. Let it out:

Express those feelings we couldn't back then. Scream into a pillow if you have to!

3. Find your safe space:

Whether it's with a therapist, a friend, or a support group, find somewhere you feel safe to process these emotions.

4. Be kind to yourself:

This stuff is hard. Cut yourself some slack.

5. New perspective:

Try to look at past events differently. Maybe even find some compassion for everyone involved - including yourself.

Conclusion: A Path to Healing

Look, I get why my kids and their friends use "trauma" so casually. In a way, it's good that we're all more aware of mental health stuff.

But let's not forget how deep this goes.

Understanding trauma as those unexpressed feelings rather than just "bad things that happened" - that's where the real healing starts.

It's not about changing the past. It's about finally allowing ourselves to feel what we couldn't before.

As we continue to discuss and understand trauma, let's do so with the gravity it deserves, while also recognizing its prevalence in everyday life.

By doing so, we can create a society that's more aware, compassionate, and equipped to handle the complexities of human emotional experiences.

So next time you hear someone throw around "trauma" (or "gaslighting," for that matter), maybe take a moment.

Think about what it really means.

And hey, if you've got some old emotions bottled up in there, maybe it's time to let them out.

Trust me, it's worth it.